June 20, 2016 – Hello Motivation :)

When you’ve lost your motivation to get fit and healthy it can be hard to get it back but alas I have found my motivation again! This past weekend I went to Cape Cod to celebrate Father’s Day weekend with my Dad! My friend aka my crush ❤ also lives on the Cape. He was working all weekend, he works as a valet at a hotel l, but I went out to see him for a minute while I was there. Since I no longer have my own car I don’t have car insurance so my Dad gave me a ride LMAO I felt like I was in high school again it was hilarious. Anyhow I spent an hour with my crush, he gave me a tour of the hotel and introduced me to all his friends. The hotel was insanely beautiful, right on the ocean, completely amazing. I only stayed for an hour since he was working and when my Dad came to pick me up my crush went over to introduce himself lol they chatted for a few minutes before I walked over since he’s a valet he was on the other side of the parking lot when my Dad pulled in. I thought it was funny that he went up to my Dad, didn’t expect that lol And then when I got there my crush opened the passenger door for me Awww what a gentleman!! God he’s adorable lol I spent the next hour or so daydreaming haha 

It might have been only an hour but it brought back my motivation! I don’t know what the universe has in store for me when it comes to love but I know that I’m open to whatever comes my way and I’m excited for the future!!! Now that I’m motivated again to get my ass in gear I’m fully committed to putting myself back out there. Maybe even make a move on my crush 🙂
The world is filled with wonder.



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June 10, 2016 – Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful Boy!

I’m officially in love with baby Brian! He is just the cutest, sweetest boy! It’s still so hard to believe that my twin brother is a father. You never really understand the love of a child until that child is your own flesh and blood. I love my godson more than anything, and all of my cousins children, but when it’s your own brother, it’s totally different. I find myself memorized but this little baby, who looks exactly like my brother’s mini me. I’m excited to watch him grow up and become a little man. It’s still so surreal to me that he’s here.
I vow to be the best Aunty in the world! To love him and protect him for the rest of my life! Now more than ever I want to get healthy for not just me, but for him. I want to be able to keep up with him when he runs around playing, and not worry about my weight getting in the way. I want to look back at pictures of us and love them, without dissecting myself…which is what I always do. I just want to find my internal happiness, so I too can find love and start a family. At the end of the day nothing else matters but the family and friends you keep close to your heart. Love. I love my nephew! I love my family and friends, and I love myself.

In a lot of ways I’m still a kid myself. I have big dreams that I won’t ever give up on, and I have a lot of goals I want to accomplish in my life. Now that baby Brian is here, I want more than anything to teach him to reach for the stars, never give up on his dreams, and to always believe in himself.

I’m excited about life again. I found my motivation in Brian, my drive to succeed and finally achieve my dreams. I can’t wait to get where I want to be, and it all starts with getting healthy! Here’s to getting my life and my ass back! lol



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June 6, 2016 – It’s a Boy!!!!!

He has arrived!!! Introducing Brian Thomas!!! Born 6/6/2016 at 11:13am, weighing 8lbs 2oz, 21 inches long, has a full head of a hair and is completely adorable in every way!!!
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My heart is full tonight 🙂 Love you Brian!!!

Aunty Michelle

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June 5, 2016 – Baby Watch!

My sister-in-law is ready to pop…and we thought she was going to pop today, on her actual due date!! My brother called me early this morning and told me that she was having contractions and we should prepare! At first they were 30 minutes apart, then 7 minutes…then 5!!! It was time to call the doctor!! The doctor instructed them to go to the hospital which they did…only to be sent home an hour later…she’s in labor, but they have to wait until the contractions are 3-4 minutes apart!

Meanwhile my aunt and cousin came over for dinner at the same time they were heading to the hospital, and I was so excited, but also sad that I would miss the birth! My mother was going to get on a 5AM train from Massachusetts and I was supposed to meet her in the morning to pick her up in NJ…but alas that did not happen. It will soon enough, as we are officially on baby watch!!

Dinner was great I made lots of yummy food, pot roast, mashed potatoes (da bomb!), green beans, rolls, cheese and crackers, grapes, olives, fruit salad and of course some sparkling water with fresh slices of lime, lemon and orange! haha The hostess with the mostest! Or at least I like to think I am!!

I joked that during dinner my brother would call me and announce the birth and I would respond with “Oh my a boy!…would anyone like any more rolls?” lol Or I imagined “Oh dear a girl!!! Anyone for some tea?” lol I pictured many things, and I was so flustered that after dinner, after everyone left I accidentally broke a glass while trying to do dishes…while daydreaming. Never a good idea people, never a good idea! haha

This was taken last week! We don’t know what they’re having yet, and it will be the best surprise ever, but I’m guessing boy 🙂 Either way, I shall love this little munchkin to pieces!!!! Pray for an easy delivery and happy healthy baby!!!
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June 1, 2016 – Fat Pig

At lunchtime I went to a glasses store because I wanted to try on some glasses and take pictures to send to my friends for their opinions. Anyhow I passed a “homeless” man on the street with a sign that read “HIV positive, need help.” He was squirming around like he may have been intoxicated but still I thought to myself if that’s true that’s really sad. My moment of empathy was brief however. I did not give him any money, and continued walking and I guess I just pissed him off because the next thing you know he starts shouting at me “Yeah you keep on walking you FAT PIG! You big FAT PIG! You freaking FAT ASS!” I briefly turned back in shock and then kept walking.

I was embarrassed. I felt instantly insecure. Everyone was looking at me. At that very moment I felt like crying…and eating a mountain of pasta. Then I realized it didn’t matter what this man said to me. Odds are he was just taking out his anger on me, an easy target. Sometimes you really have to take a step back and look at another persons reality, and that’s when I realized, yes I am fat but I’m grateful for my job and for my home, my family and friends, he may not have been so lucky in his life and maybe terrible things happened to him when he was younger that led him on his path.

After I left the glasses store I walked on the opposite side of the street, but I knew he was right near the CVS I wanted to go to to get some contact lens drops (damn cloudy contacts lol), so I knew I would have to sort of cross paths again. As I crossed the street I saw him and I was nervous. Would he shout at me again? Would he even remember me? I had only been in that store for maybe 10 minutes looking at glasses. As I approached the CVS entrance I locked eyes with him, and even though I was still bothered by what he said to me…I just looked at him and smiled and walked in to CVS. I was proud of myself in that moment, however small it may be. I thought maybe no one smiles at him or talks to him and even if I am insignificant to him and him to me I thought maybe he’ll remember that the girl he made fun of was still kind.

Or maybe I live in a dream world and my head is up my own ass or in the clouds but whatever lol My point is that I could have let that moment defeat my spirit but I didn’t. Truth is some people will be nice and some won’t but at the end of the day only you have the final decision on how someone’s words will affect you. I choose to not let someone’s opinion or anger towards me change who I am. And what I am is happy.

I get emotional just thinking about happiness. It took me so long to get to a point in my life when I was happy in my life and I finally got here. I love my family and friends I look forward to going to work every day I love my job and I love NYC and NJ! Weight is only temporary, it represents a past filled with heartache, but my future looks bright. My puzzle only has two pieces left to finish it…finding love and reaching my healthy weight goal! Anything else I get on top of that is framing for my puzzle…with a splash of pink and sparkle!

This journey is just getting starting….Chapter 1.



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May 23, 2016 – Sugar is The Devil

This weekend I watched a documentary on Netflix about sugar and then I watched ‘That Sugar Film’ on Amazon Prime. I couldn’t agree more with their points of view. Sugar is in almost every food we eat and to avoid it like I do it’s a real effort. You have to be fully committed. You have to learn to make stuff yourself like ketchup and BBQ sauce. You have to be willing to put your health as your top priority.

In the movie ‘That Sugar Film’ the man, who doesn’t eat sugar in normal life decided to eat it for 60 days. What was the craziest part is that he only ate foods that had sugar in them that were labeled as healthy. He gained 15 pounds and his statistics were insane. Proving the damaging effects of sugar. He ate 40 tsps of sugar a day. Which seems high but in reality it’s not. The average American eats 100 lbs a YEAR!!! That’s insane. Caveman ate 5 lbs a year, to put it in perspective. Sugar is the devil and it’s why so many people become addicted to food. Like me, I’m going to be an addict for the rest of my life. 

Refined sugar I believe to be the cause of a lot of health problems, beyond diabetes and obesity. The only way to fight the big dogs of the multi billion dollar sugar industry is to fight them together. Demand better products deman products that don’t have sugar or sugar substitutes in them. For the record sugar substitutes are worse than actual sugar.

Eat an apple, a pear, strawberries….fruit! It’s sweeter than you think once you don’t eat sugar anymore.

My mission in life is to help people have better choices available. It’s time to take down Goliath!! Fuck the sugar industry.



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May 10, 2016 – I Hate High Heels!

Fat girls and fashion are two words that don’t go together well. Yes there are fashionable big girls out there but if they say they can wear heels all day without their feet hurting they are LYING!!! lol

I feel like women in general struggle with heels. It’s like flats make my legs look short and stumpy haha and I’m 5’8″!! If I had skinny legs my legs would like fly AF!! But as a large and in charge woman in the business world, flats just don’t look as professional as heels. Today I made a big mistake, I wore my heels outside haha I know what you’re thinking “um duh that’s what you’re supposed to do!” To which I would respond “Not in NYC!” Lol you commute in sneakers or flats you change at the office. This is what I do, and my heel of choice is the fat girl heels commonly known as wedges!! Wedges are comfortable when worn for short periods of time and look nicer that flats when wearing a skirt!! 

Today I messed up. My team was on their way outdoors to meet up with a client…all the way uptown. Since I assumed (like an idiot) that we would be taking a cab, I left my wedges on. BIG MISTAKE!! Next thing I know they’re like oh it’s just two stops uptown. First that was a lie, it was like 6 stops lol secondly to get to the subway from my office you have to walk half a mile to the subway and half a mile underground to get to the right train. Damn Union Square! THE WORST!! I wasn’t even five minutes out of the office when my feet started to hurt lol my the time we got to the train it was pins and needles, swollen feet and pain ohhhh the pain lol I of course was like any other fat girl in this situation…I grinned and bared it, pretended like nothing was wrong but was secretly dying on the inside lol we got to the meeting and then had to stand for fifteen minutes before they were ready. Standing on broken feet means you away back and forth like a moron and try your best to lean back on your heel lol And even that made it worst!! When we finally got to the conference room I was relived. But that didn’t last long because the meeting went by really quickly and next thing I know there we go back to the subway of death and destruction lol I wanted to cab it…but my pride got the best of me. I didn’t want to be that girl incapable of walking two miles in heels lol The second I got to the office I switched to my flats. Now here I am on the bus home, my feet at throbbing and I’m stuck between two men with horrible breath lol
The moral of the story? DON’T EVER ASSUME ANYTHING!!! HAHAHAHA had I asked my feet would still be human instead of me walking around like I’m flipper or something lol seriously I walk like I’m drunk and also aquatic.

In other news lol My company had a big meeting internally for all of us last week and it was awesome! Lots of work perks, including parties and a stay at a hotel for free just to say thanks 🙂 My boss is awesome!!

I’m still walking a lot which is good but weight loss is still a struggle. I have to figure out how the hell to make time everyday in addition to working long hours and having a two hour commute each day lol I’ll get there…one day 🙂

Meanwhile I have a new friend at work who cooks without refined sugar and loves to eat healthy and exercise so I fully plan on letting her good influence rub off on me haha



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