July 8, 2016 – Self Reflection 

I was watching Parks and Recreation on Netflix today (I have never watched this before but it’s hilarious!) and I couldn’t help but love the characters. I know TV shows are designed to make you love these people but it made me think a lot about my own life and how I choose to live it. It’s funny that a silly TV show can make you do that lol but it did!

I think a lot of people go about their daily lives with so many distractions that they lose sight of themselves. When you think about it when is the last time you stopped to think about what you like and don’t like? It’s been a long time for me. 

Lately I’ve been hating NYC in the summer lol The subways are like saunas it smells like garbage no matter where you go, the air is thick and polluted and I sweat before I get to work in those terrible buses and trains lol it’s not something I’ve liked at all. Ah NY the land of opportunity and promise yet I’m wondering how long I actually want to stay here.

The other day I was telling my best friend Mary about my commute and how much I hate it and she asked me, “If you were to move where would you go?” Such a simple question and yet she stumped me. I had no idea what it was I wanted or where I would go. So it got me thinking a lot and I did some self reflection although I still haven’t figure out the where or the why I have figured out that when it comes to my long term happy place, NYC doesn’t make the cut. It’s funny because I spent so long trying to get back here only to realize it’s not at all what I want anymore. 

The opportunities I have here in the big city are the reason I came here. Figure out my career and lay down the groundwork and move on. When my brother had a baby everything changed. I wanted to be close to him so I could watch him grow up. But now I don’t know if staying is right for me. 

Life. So many choices to make. I’m not worried about making the wrong choice because I don’t ever believe that there is such a thing. I think every choice leads you to another life lesson. A path you were meant to explore and grow from. I have no regrets in any decision I’ve made, but now I have to think about making some new decisions. 

Sitting down with a blank piece of paper and making a roadmap of all the great things I actually want in my life. Figuring out what would really make me happy, and where I would live that would bring me endless joy. I thought I knew all along, I thought it was NY. But I don’t think that’s the case anymore, and not just because of the commute. I find myself wanting a house and a family of my own somewhere nice near the water maybe. Parks and Recreation is all about this small town and I have to say I find small towns appealing. True there’s a lot less to do but having too much to do makes you want to do nothing.

My weight is a direct reflection of my own happiness. I found a career I love in a company I love and that makes me happy and I’ve been able to lose ten pounds! May not sound like much but it means I’m feeling more myself and that makes me happy. But there’s something missing and I’m not sure what it is.

I’m on a mission to find it and I hope all of you find what makes you happy too!



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