June 27, 2012 – WARNING: Fat girl sugar withdrawals!!!!

Today on my show my favorite bakery came on to make my favorite dessert…the eskimo.

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What exactly is an eskimo? Well, I’ll tell you lol First you start with a piece of chocolate cake, moist and delicious. Then you top it with the best buttercream frosting I’ve ever had (it’s more like a hostess cupcake filling!). Next you cover the whole thing in a thick chocolate glaze, and then drizzle some vanilla glaze on top of that…to die for.

Literally if I was on my death bed and they asked me what I wanted for my last meal I would say cheese pizza extra extra lightly cooked and eskimos lol A whole damn tray of them!!! haha And a large glass of almond milk! lol

The worst part about the whole segment was the fact that they left two dozen of them in the freezer….wow. My cravings/sugar withdrawals were at an all time high today. I made love to that eskimo in my head all day today haha Oh my god did I wanted to eat that. BUT I didn’t! Yes I resisted the luciousness that is the eskimo!

It wasn’t easy, I’ll be the first to admit that, and it didn’t help that everyone was like ‘oh you have to treat yourself sometimes, go ahead and eat it!’ Saboteurs!!! HELLLLLLL NOOOOOOOO!!! I would have easily polished off the entire tray myself without hesitation lol

I took those tasty little treats and I passed them out to everyone in the building! Yup, I gave them all away! Buh-bye moist chocolately goodness, buh-bye my little Alaska homes! haha Buh-bye fat old me!!!

The next few days I will probably dream about eating them, I won’t lie. My memory of food is still strong, when I think about it I can actually taste it…hey, it gets me through the day lol

Aside from the whole haunting of the eskimo, there were some other awkward moments today. I must say when people ask me about my weight loss it makes me completely uncomfortable. I know my coworkers mean well when they try to give me a compliment…but on the other hand, asking me if I’m going for a 100 pound weight loss to me is inappropriate. You’re assuming I need to lose 100 pounds in the first place (which I do, but they don’t need to know that lol) and saying it in front of other people is rude, it made me self-conscious. Not to mention, when I tell you I’m not going to tell you how much weight I’ve lost so far…I mean it. That’s for me, myself and I right now (besides all of you of course on my secret blog! lol) I don’t need to share that information with everyone, and asking me every week is really starting to piss me off. What difference does it make if I’ve lost 10 pounds or 80 or 100 or 150? It shouldn’t matter to them because it certainly doesn’t matter to me and I shouldn’t be treated differently because of it, like I’m some sort of lab rat.

I really just don’t like the attention. I’m not where I want to be yet, and when I get there then maybe I’ll feel comfortable sharing my personal journey with these people and maybe not, but I won’t know how I feel until I’m at that point, and that’s a long way aways.

I don’t know why it annoys me so much but I just hate when people don’t listen. It’s like they think if they ask me enough times I’ll eventually cave in and tell them…which I won’t. Some people are so nosey! I even have people trying to find my blog online lol Seriously??? If I wanted you to know what I was writing about, I’d tell you myself!!! Ugh!! I even explained to them that I’m a recovering food addict (something I would have never told people 6 months ago) and that I blog to work through my emotions and it’s private for me and me alone…not even my family or best friend are allowed to read it…and you think it would be ok for you to read it? Hello, rude!

Losing 80 pounds is great, I get it, and yes I look a lot different than I used to…but I don’t want to be treated differently because of it. Maybe it’s me and all in my own head but the thinner you are the more ‘attractive’ you become to the masses…the more people want to hang out with you. I want people to want to hang out with me just because I’m a good time, not because I look good. I could be as thin as a board on the outside but on the inside I am always going to be a fat girl. If you didn’t like me when I was fat…I’m not going to like you when I’m fit! Judgmental and shallow people have no place in my life! All I can say is I know who my real friends are and who just cares about appearance!

People are weird.

Anyhow I went to the gym again, yay me lol But I’m bloated like a mother and it shows! (thank you monthly gift!) Time for bedtime chocolate dreams! MMMmmmm!!

Breakfast: 1 cups Special K Red Berries, 1/2 cup almond milk
Lunch: 1 Foldout Flatbread, 2 oz turkey, 1 slice American cheese, 1 nectarine
Dinner: 1 Foldout Flatbread, 2 oz turkey, 1 slice American cheese, 2 cups cucumbers, 2 tbl lite balsamic vinaigrette
Snack: 1 nectarine, 2 string cheese

Exercise: 30 minutes on the elliptical
Calories burned: 

Current weight: 246.6 lbs
Current feeling: Bloated


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12 Responses to June 27, 2012 – WARNING: Fat girl sugar withdrawals!!!!

  1. How is it that I’ve never heard of an Eskimo? They sound delicious! Good for you for resisting!

    • Thank you! That was no easy task…I think they just made it up lol It basically looks like an igloo kind of sort of lol Who knows they’re crazy Polish people…all I know is it’s a yummy chocolate cake with a twinkle filling and chocolate glaze lol I shall call it shiny-choco-twinkie haha

  2. I think I can make an eskimo!!! Like a chocolate twinkie without all the weird preservatives. Gahhhhh. You get a gold star for passing them out and managing to resist. I would be annoyed with people all in my business, too. Personal is personal. Just because people can SEE it doesn’t mean it’s their business. I felt the same way with my pregnancies. I know it’s weird but strangers asking my about my body and what is essentially my sex life was really offensive for me. And since I’ve been working my tail off trying to lose weight, the scrutiny is worse. We took fig newtons to my sweetie’s family a couple days ago (his grandparents LOVE them) and people were like “I don’t know how you can stay so thin, Chad, with all of her cooking,” but in a snarky way. And Chad is doing the Insanity workout with me, right? (he’s in super good shape and was training for MMA a couple years ago) But when they find out I’m doing it they go, “Oh SHE’S doing it?! Oh well I could do that.” Rude. Just make a list (I have one lol). A mental list of all the people that are soooo not invited when you get to where you wanna be.

    • That is SO rude! God, what is with people I swear! You know what, the people who want to do what you’re doing just to say they can do it too always end up failing in the end! I have people like that around me too. I can’t stand people who try to make you feel like what you’re doing is so insignificant that anyone could do that…simply not true!! If anything the fact that you are so dedicated to working out with the whole insanity thing is amazing in itself, and you can eat whatever the heck you want! They’re clearly jealous of the fact that you can eat amazing food and not gain weight!!! Haters gonna hate…b*tches be hoes!!! lol

      • Well… moderation is definitely key lol. I lost 15 pounds watching my diet carefully, exercising like a lunatic and occasionally splurging on a treat. Chad can eat 4 brownies a day and still lose weight. I can have 1 brownie two times a week and not gain it back lol. I DID lose that weight in the middle of birthday cakes and peanut butter pie, though! (Just itty bitty pieces :)) I still have a long way to go… like at least 50 more pounds (optimal would be about 65). I’ll get there. And the stupid people will still be stupid.

      • haha I’m so jealous of Chad right now! WTF! Men have it so much easier than women lol You will lose whatever you want to lose as long as you believe you will!! You’re doing amazing!! Congrats on the 15 pounds!!! You go girl!!!

  3. OMG those looked SINFUL! Good for you for resisting. I’m surprised you told anyone about your blog. Only 2 people know about mine and neither one are allowed to read it. LOL I don’t know how I’ll feel when I get to the 80lbs mark (like how I said WHEN and not IF? ha!). I think I’d be totally telling people. You should be SO PROUD of all the work you have done! I do understand your need for privacy so in no way was I trying to make it sound like you should tell people. Just that you need to be PROUD!!! You are doing awesome.

    • Thanks chica! And you’ll get there too trust me! I like your attitude!! lol The only reason I even told people about my blog is because some of my friends and family members are going on a similar journey and I told them how blogging really helps me work through my emotions and problems and that it might help them too. I guess I can’t fault them for being curious, but still lol

  4. You go girl!!! It’s hard to turn away. I was sitting next to a (I won’t say skinny b) girl on the airplane yesterday who ate half of her king size Snickers and then left the rest on her tray table while she slept. I had to smell it the whole time and I wanted it sooooo bad. It was torture.

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